Peaceful nothingness shattered by a rude awakening

Snapped from the calming void flickering function saunters in…

The sudden feel of falling an intrusion through the mist

Sweat dampened sheets clung tightly restrictive like long lost memories

The still of night seems damning, judgement already cast

Fractured cracks of truth revealing once buried secrets now unearthed

It comes and it goes...

Golden leaves furbelowing dank silt

Brisk September air breathes its comforting chill

A picturesque scene set by the dying light

Concealing this soon to be unresolved cold case crime

A vow made beneath gazing harvest moon

Sole witness to this grim conclusion

Parting ways, never to speak again

Our secret confined to this sodden, shallow grave

Midst safety of the shadows evading prying lunar beams

Thoughts cannot be gathered whilst admixed with distant dreams…

Changing seasons slowly bringing with them crushing guilt

Wherein every sleepless second felt as if the walls were closing in

Time ticked by so slowly as months trickled into years

Decades scrubbing at “the Dirt” yet the stains refuse to yield

It comes and it goes…

Rainfall heightening the dire mood

Barely visible through the mist-veiled gloom

An overgrown marsh overcome and disused

Fittingly forgotten as with all the Biddiblak morass consumes

Digging down through mire and twisted weeds

Tension tightening with every mounting heap

‘Til daybreak where the evidence remains

Never to be dredged from this wholly fictitious grave

All those years spent silently screaming

Fabrication of the mind, haunting obsession

A life WAS stolen by these soiled hands

Yet only my own, this self-condemnation…

Sunrise, a sight for sore eyes

So long lost in the dark place between “dead” and “alive”

Relieved to cross the line, there and back again

Free from self constructed guilt and unfathomable, unbearable shame

Released from the gnawing mind-trap snare

The beginning of the end for this sempiternal nightmare

Acquitted at last, rid of these wretched chains

Returning only with a bouquet for this solely hypothetical grave

Sleepwalking through the months

Gathering dust in a fuguelike silent state

Plummeting through the motions

In freefall, downward, out of phase

Lost in thoughtless moments

Swarmed by an endless burning inner hum

Incomprehensible, inconsolable

Palpitations, numbness, blunt

Ebullient fragments flash behind blank eyes

Was it worth it at the cost of a torturous mind?

Ever veering into Biddiblak deep dark waters

Dreading the onslaught certain to follow

Weakened by the wrought out relentless plight

(The bitter truth once swallowed leaves little desire)

Belittling residual musings of old

Struggling to remember and to let go

Caught unawares between crushed dreams

And a reality far worse than ever feared

In stasis chilled to the frostbitten core

Frozen by the notion of enduring one more thaw

It remains a long way back…

Another awe inspiring glimpse of morning

Piercing through the dissipating mist

Shattering the maudlin lens

A breath of fresh air gasped again

Ebullient fragments flash behind blank eyes

Is it worth it at the cost of a further decline?

A momentary lapse of judgement doused

In volatile fuel for future fires to engulf

Breached once more despite the warning signs

Shrugging off the shudders, pure madness defined

A payment across the palm paid in full with fool’s gold

Endeavouring to surrender the self to let go

Ebullient fragments flash behind blank eyes

Waning in the wake of another brief respite

Now drowning in Biddiblak pitch dark sorrow

Relieved to reach the maw of this final tomorrow

Crumbling into a clearing with a view across the sea

Beyond the twisted boughs and autumnal leaves

Sifting scarce comforting thoughts of old

Ready to remember and to let go